23409

Rethinking Empathy in Autism

ByKelsie Olds Posted on

A common and persistent myth about autism is that autistic individuals lack empathy. This idea influences how society, educators, and even professionals interpret the social and emotional behaviors of autistic people.

But what if the issue isn’t a lack of empathy but rather a difference in how empathy is communicated and received?

This is the heart of the Double Empathy Problem, a concept introduced by autistic scholar Damian Milton. It shifts the focus away from deficits and toward mutual misunderstanding—highlighting that empathy breakdowns happen in both directions, not just from autistic people toward neurotypicals.

The DSM-5 and the Assumption of Empathy Deficits

The diagnostic criteria for autism in the DSM-5 include three areas:

  1. Social-emotional reciprocity
  2. Nonverbal communication
  3. Relationship development and maintenance

Each area is assessed through a neurotypical lens, measuring how autistic individuals differ from expected (neurotypical) communication and emotional connection norms.

Because these criteria emphasize observable behaviors, they can easily be misinterpreted as a lack of empathy.

What Autistic People Say About Empathy

Autistic individuals often describe themselves as deeply empathetic—sometimes more so than their neurotypical peers. However, their expressions of empathy might not look familiar to non-autistic observers.

For example:

  • They may feel overwhelmed by intense emotions when witnessing others in distress.
  • They may relate more closely to animals, nature, or inanimate objects—either due to innate preferences or because of past experiences of social rejection.
  • Their emotional responses may be internal or delayed, making them easy to overlook.

When these authentic expressions don’t match neurotypical expectations, autistic people are frequently misjudged as being uncaring or disengaged.

Teaching “Empathy” Through a Neurotypical Lens

Many autism interventions, particularly in early childhood, aim to teach empathy by modeling exaggerated emotions or using puppets and dolls.

These efforts are well-meaning but often miss the mark.

Rather than recognizing the child’s existing emotional depth, these approaches try to impose neurotypical standards of emotional expression.

When autistic children don’t respond as expected, they may be seen as resistant or incapable—when in reality, they may be confused, overstimulated, or simply communicating differently.

What Is the Double Empathy Problem?

The Double Empathy Problem reframes the issue.

Instead of assuming autistic people have a one-sided deficit in empathy, this theory suggests the breakdown in understanding is mutual.

In other words:

  • Autistic individuals struggle to interpret neurotypical emotional cues, and
  • Neurotypical individuals struggle just as much to interpret autistic emotional cues.

The key difference? Society defaults to neurotypical norms—so misunderstandings are typically attributed to the autistic person.

Empathy Is Not One-Size-Fits-All

“Empathy” isn’t a single, fixed skill.

It includes several components:

  • Cognitive empathy: understanding what someone else might be feeling
  • Affective empathy: feeling emotions in response to another’s emotional state
  • Compassionate empathy: taking action to help
A Venn diagram titled “The Three Types of Empathy” shows three overlapping circles. The pink circle on the left is labeled “Affective Empathy” with the quote “I feel this WITH you.” The yellow circle on the right is labeled “Cognitive Empathy” with the quote “I put myself in your shoes.” The blue circle at the bottom is labeled “Compassionate Empathy” with the quote “I understand what you feel and I want to help.” The circles intersect in the center. At the bottom is the ClimbRx® logo.

Autistic individuals often excel in affective and compassionate empathy.

The area where differences emerge is often cognitive empathy, particularly when interpreting subtle or nonverbal emotional cues that differ from their own communication style.

Context Matters: Autistic-to-Autistic Empathy

One of the strongest pieces of evidence for the double empathy theory is how autistic people relate to one another.

When surrounded by others who share similar ways of communicating and feeling, autistic individuals often connect deeply and express empathy in immediate and intuitive ways.

The problem isn’t a lack of empathy—it’s that different communication cultures are colliding.

Reframing Empathy and Autism

The Double Empathy Problem encourages us to reconsider how we define, recognize, and respond to empathy.

Rather than teaching autistic individuals to “pass” as neurotypical, we can create more inclusive spaces by learning to understand and appreciate different forms of emotional expression.

Misunderstandings are not one-sided. And when we recognize that communication challenges flow both ways, we move toward a more respectful, neuro-affirmative way of supporting autistic people.

A black-and-white stick figure comic with blue representing the autistic character and black representing others. The autistic character says, “Being autistic, I’ve always found it difficult to read other people.” A second frame shows this being labeled as “My Fault” by others. In the next frame, a non-autistic person finds it difficult to read the autistic person, and this too is seen as “My Fault.” The final panel reads: “The sad truth is: if you're autistic, a lot of things are unfairly seen as ‘Your Fault.’” The comic is credited to Chris Bonnello of AutisticNotWeird.com.

Sharing is caring!

Kelsie Olds avatar
Kelsie Olds

Occupational therapist in my day job. The Occuplaytional Therapist in my off time. A mom always. A D&D fanatic on the weekends.