Baseline Before Skill-Building: Why Regulation is Important
Imagine trying to focus on learning a new skill or solving a complex problem while feeling overwhelmed, stressed, or completely out of sorts. It’s nearly impossible, right?
The same is true for kids. Before they can take on new challenges—whether it’s learning to tie their shoes, navigating a social interaction, or managing a tricky math problem—they first need to feel calm and regulated.
This is part three of our six-part series, “Getting Back to Baseline,” where we explore the importance of Baseline before Skill-Building and why regulation is important. Helping children achieve baseline—a balanced state where their brain and body are ready to engage—isn’t just helpful; it’s essential.
In this article, we’ll discuss why regulation is important and must come first and how parents, educators, and therapists can set children up for success by prioritizing their emotional and sensory needs before diving into learning or behavior expectations.
Helping a child achieve baseline is essential before attempting to teach them new skills or address challenging behaviors.
When children are dysregulated, their nervous system is in survival mode, and their brain is focused on managing immediate feelings of overwhelm or stress. In this state, their ability to learn, reason, or follow directions is significantly compromised.
Parents, educators, and therapists can set children up for success by prioritizing regulation first.
Why Regulation is Important: Dysregulated Brains Can’t Learn
To understand why regulation is so important, it helps to look at how the brain works during moments of stress or overwhelm. The brain has three main areas that work together to help us think, feel, and act:
- The prefrontal cortex (often called the “thinking brain”) is responsible for reasoning, problem-solving, self-control, and decision-making.
- The limbic system (the “emotional brain”) processes emotions like fear, anger, and anxiety.
- The brainstem and amygdala (the “survival brain”) manage basic life functions like heart rate and breathing and activate our fight, flight, or freeze response when we feel threatened.
When children are calm and regulated, these parts of the brain work in harmony. The prefrontal cortex stays in charge, allowing them to focus, follow instructions, and solve problems.
But when a child becomes dysregulated—whether due to overwhelming emotions, sensory input, or stress—the limbic system takes over. This “emotional hijack” sends the brain into survival mode, causing the prefrontal cortex to effectively shut down.
In this state, the brain prioritizes protecting the child from perceived threats rather than focusing on learning or reasoning. That’s why dysregulated children may have trouble paying attention, remembering instructions, or controlling their impulses.
Their brains are too busy managing the feeling of being overwhelmed to engage with higher-level tasks.
Helping children regulate allows their nervous system to calm down and reactivate their prefrontal cortex. Once this “thinking brain” is back online, they can focus, problem-solve, and engage meaningfully with the world around them.
Regulation isn’t just about calming the moment—it’s about unlocking the brain’s ability to learn and grow.
Regulation is the Foundation for Readiness
Regulation is the foundation for learning, social interaction, and skill acquisition. Without it, children cannot effectively:
- Engage in therapy: A child who feels dysregulated may resist participating in therapeutic exercises or activities, not because they’re unwilling, but because they don’t have the capacity to engage.
- Learn new skills: Whether it’s tying their shoes or learning multiplication, children need to feel calm and focused to absorb and retain information.
- Navigate social interactions: Dysregulation often makes it difficult for children to read social cues, communicate effectively, or manage conflicts with peers.
By prioritizing regulation, adults help children access the part of their brain that allows them to think critically, remember steps, and interact positively with others.
This readiness is key to making learning and skill-building sessions productive and meaningful.
Adjusting Expectations
It’s important to recognize that trying to teach, discipline, or introduce new skills to a dysregulated child is often futile. When a child is overwhelmed, their brain’s prefrontal cortex—the area responsible for thinking, reasoning, and self-control—is not fully engaged.
Instead, their brain is focused on survival, making it nearly impossible for them to absorb new information or control their actions.
For example:
- Asking a child to sit still and complete homework immediately after a meltdown is unlikely to succeed because their brain is still in a heightened state.
- Expecting a child to interact calmly with peers when they’re overstimulated by loud noise or bright lights can lead to frustration and further dysregulation.
Instead of expecting children to meet demands or follow instructions in these moments, adults can adjust their expectations based on the child’s current state.
This involves pausing to assess whether the child is regulated and ready to engage before moving forward.
When a child is dysregulated, you need to shift your mindset to achieve regulation before all other expectations.
Here are examples of how educators and parents can temporarily shift their approach during times of dysregulation:
- Pause Academic or Behavioral Demands
- Scenario: A child has a meltdown after returning from recess, where they feel overstimulated by the noise and chaos.
- Adjustment: Instead of asking the child to immediately start a math worksheet, allow them to engage in a calming activity, such as coloring, listening to soft music, or using a sensory tool. This helps them regulate before returning to academic tasks.
- Create a Safe Space for Regulation
- Scenario: A student becomes overwhelmed during a group project due to social stress and starts yelling.
- Adjustment: Offer the child a quiet, designated calm-down area where they can sit alone with calming objects, such as fidget tools or a weighted lap pad, until they are ready to rejoin the group.
- Empathize and Validate Feelings
- Scenario: A child is crying and refusing to put their coat on to leave school because they feel rushed and overwhelmed.
- Adjustment: Instead of insisting they “hurry up,” acknowledge their feelings by saying, “I see you’re upset. Let’s take a deep breath together,” and offer to help by breaking the task into smaller steps, like holding the coat open for them.
- Delay Problem-Solving Conversations
- Scenario: A child lashes out at a peer during playtime, and an adult attempts to discuss why hitting is wrong immediately after the incident.
- Adjustment: Wait until the child has calmed down before discussing what happened. Focus first on helping the child regulate by saying, “Let’s take a break and breathe together,” and save the conversation for when they are calm and able to reflect.
- Prioritize Sensory Needs
- Scenario: A child becomes dysregulated in a noisy cafeteria and refuses to eat.
- Adjustment: Offer noise-canceling headphones or a quieter space to eat. Recognize that addressing the sensory challenge takes precedence over encouraging social interaction in that moment.
Signs of Regulation
Now that you know why regulation is important, it’s necessary to know what regulation looks like.
By looking for these signs, you can assess whether your child is at baseline and ready to move forward or if they need more support to regulate.
If they are showing signs of dysregulation—such as tense posture, rapid breathing, or difficulty responding calmly—it’s better to pause and focus on helping them achieve baseline before continuing.
- Calm Body Language: They appear relaxed, with a steady posture. They are not pacing, fidgeting excessively, or showing signs of physical tension like clenched fists or a stiff body.
- Controlled Breathing: Their breathing is steady and not rapid, shallow, or labored—a clear sign their nervous system is calming down.
- Engaged Eyes: The child is making eye contact or at least visually engaging with their surroundings. They are no longer avoiding eye contact or staring off blankly as they might when dysregulated.
- Responsive Communication: They can answer questions, express their needs verbally or nonverbally, and participate in a back-and-forth exchange. They may even show curiosity or interest in the task at hand.
- Regulated Tone of Voice: Their voice is steady, without yelling, whining, or speaking in an unusually quiet or withdrawn manner.
- Open to Interaction: They show signs of readiness to interact, such as approaching you, playing with a toy, or engaging with a peer without withdrawing or lashing out.
- Focused Attention: They can follow simple instructions or focus on an activity without becoming quickly distracted or frustrated.
- Energy Matches Energy Required of the Task/Environment: Their energy level matches what’s required for the activity or situation. For example, quiet and engaged when reading or active and engaged during high-energy playtime.
Adjusting expectations in this way not only increases the likelihood of success but also demonstrates empathy and respect for the child’s unique needs.
When children feel safe and supported, they are better able to engage in learning, social interactions, and new experiences, creating a positive foundation for growth.
Long-Term Benefits of Prioritizing Regulation
Teaching regulation skills goes far beyond addressing your child’s immediate needs—regulation is important for long-term success.
When kids learn how to identify their feelings, calm their bodies, and re-engage with their environment, they develop crucial life skills that support their growth in every area of life.
Regulation isn’t just about helping kids through a challenging moment; it’s about building their resilience, independence, and confidence for the future.
Resilience in the Face of Challenges
Children who understand how to regulate themselves become more adaptable when faced with new or difficult situations.
Instead of shutting down or reacting impulsively, they learn to pause, reflect, and respond thoughtfully. This ability to self-regulate prepares them to navigate challenges, from academic hurdles to social conflicts, with a sense of control and calm.
Stronger Relationships
Regulated children are better equipped to manage their emotions and communicate effectively, which helps them build positive relationships with peers, caregivers, and educators.
They can resolve conflicts more easily, express their needs in appropriate ways, and connect with others without feeling overwhelmed by emotions or sensory input.
Independence and Self-Advocacy
When children learn to recognize and manage their internal states, they become more independent. They can identify when they’re feeling dysregulated and take proactive steps to address it, such as using calming techniques or seeking out sensory tools.
Over time, this self-awareness allows them to advocate for their own needs in school, at home, and in the community, empowering them to thrive in diverse environments.
Readiness for Lifelong Learning
Regulation is the foundation for focus, memory, and problem-solving. By prioritizing it first, children are better prepared to absorb new information, practice skills, and tackle complex tasks.
This readiness extends beyond childhood, giving them the tools to approach lifelong learning with confidence and curiosity.
Emotional Well-Being
Children who are taught regulation skills develop a healthier relationship with their emotions. Instead of seeing big feelings as overwhelming or unmanageable, they learn to process and work through them.
This emotional intelligence not only helps them handle stress but also contributes to overall mental health and well-being as they grow.
A Cycle of Success
When regulation is prioritized, children are more likely to succeed in their immediate tasks, whether it’s completing homework, interacting with peers, or learning a new skill.
These small successes build their confidence and motivate them to take on new challenges, creating a positive feedback loop of growth and achievement.
Key Takeaways
- Regulation is essential for learning, social interaction, and skill-building; dysregulated brains can’t effectively process or engage.
- When a child is overwhelmed, their “thinking brain” (prefrontal cortex) shuts down, making tasks like problem-solving or focusing impossible.
- Signs of regulation include calm body language, steady breathing, and energy that matches the situation or activity.
- Adjusting expectations during dysregulation—such as pausing demands or offering calming strategies—helps children return to baseline.
- Prioritizing regulation builds resilience, independence, and emotional well-being, setting children up for long-term success.
Focusing on regulation first isn’t just a short-term solution; it’s an investment in a child’s future. By equipping them with the tools to self-regulate, you’re giving them the foundation they need to succeed in school, relationships, and life.
Regulation is the foundation for every child’s success. When children are at baseline, their brains are ready to learn, solve problems, and engage with others.
Without this regulated state, even the simplest tasks can feel impossible. By prioritizing regulation before skill-building, parents, educators, and therapists set children up for meaningful growth—not just in the moment but for the long term.
The key is to recognize when a child is dysregulated and focus on helping them return to baseline before introducing new challenges. This approach not only makes learning and social interactions more effective but also teaches children valuable skills for navigating the world with confidence and resilience.
Let’s commit to meeting children where they are and helping them feel safe and supported so they can thrive.
In the next article of the “Getting Back to Baseline” series, we’ll learn strategies for getting back to baseline. Ready to learn more? Click here to move on to part four!
