Understanding Dysregulation and How It Affects Kids

Welcome to part two of our seven-part series, “Getting Back to Baseline.” In the first article, we explored what baseline means—a calm, balanced state where children can focus, learn, and connect.

In this installment, we’re taking a closer look at dysregulation, which occurs when a child’s emotional, sensory, behavioral, or cognitive systems become overwhelmed and unbalanced.

Dysregulation can make everyday activities feel like insurmountable challenges, leaving kids stuck in a fight, flight or freeze response. For neurodivergent children, this is often a frequent experience, not because they lack ability but because their needs differ from the environments around them.

Understanding dysregulation is the first step in helping children return to a state of calm and readiness to engage with the world.

What is Dysregulation

Dysregulation occurs when a person’s emotional, sensory, behavioral, or cognitive systems are out of balance, making it difficult to manage responses to the world around them.

For children, dysregulation can manifest as overwhelming emotions, sensory overload, difficulty controlling impulses, or trouble focusing and reasoning.

When dysregulated, a child’s nervous system may shift into a fight, flight, or freeze mode, making it nearly impossible for them to think clearly, process emotions calmly, or engage in learning or social activities.

This state is often triggered by stress, overwhelming sensory input, or strong emotions.

Dysregulation is common, especially in neurodivergent children, but it’s not a failure or defiance—it’s a sign that the child needs support to return to their balanced, regulated state, known as baseline.

Understanding and addressing the underlying causes of dysregulation is key to helping children regain control and feel calm again.

Emotional and Sensory Dysregulation

Emotional dysregulation occurs when a child struggles to manage and control their emotional responses to situations. Instead of processing feelings like anger, sadness, or frustration in a balanced way, the emotions become too overwhelming to handle. This leads to reactive behaviors such as crying, yelling, aggression, or shutting down.

Emotional dysregulation often makes it hard for children to recover from challenges or move forward calmly after a distressing event.

Sensory dysregulation refers to a child’s difficulty in processing sensory information effectively. This can occur when a child is either overstimulated (too much sensory input, like loud noises or bright lights) or under-stimulated (not enough sensory input to feel balanced, like craving movement or deep pressure).

Dysregulation of this kind often results in behaviors like covering ears, avoiding textures, seeking sensory input through movement, agitation, or appearing lethargic.

However, when not addressed, sensory dysregulation can cause emotional dysregulation as well.

Impacts on Cognitive and Behavioral Functioning

When a child is dysregulated, their nervous system shifts into a heightened state of alertness (fight, flight, or freeze) or becomes disengaged.

This disrupts multiple areas of functioning:

1. Cognitive Functioning
   • Dysregulation causes the “thinking brain” (prefrontal cortex) to go offline. As a result, a child may struggle with:
     • Problem-solving.
     • Memory and recall.
     • Following directions.
     • Processing new information.
   • They may appear inattentive, confused, or unable to make decisions because their brain is too busy managing their emotional or sensory overload.
2. Behavioral Functioning
   • When dysregulated, children may exhibit reactive behaviors like impulsivity, aggression, or defiance.
   • They may also disengage, becoming passive, withdrawn, or “frozen,” unable to participate in activities.
   • Behavioral dysregulation can make routines and transitions challenging, as children lack the ability to control their impulses or reactions.
3. Social-Emotional Functioning
   • Dysregulation can cause difficulty in understanding and expressing emotions, leading to miscommunication or conflict with peers and adults.
   • Children may struggle to engage in relationships, as their emotions feel overwhelming or unpredictable.
   • This can result in misunderstandings or withdrawal from social situations, further isolating the child and delaying social skill development.
4. Sensory Functioning
   • Dysregulated sensory systems make it hard for children to participate in everyday activities. For example:
     • Loud environments may overwhelm them, causing meltdowns or avoidance.
     • They may need movement, tactile input, or deep pressure to feel grounded but lack the tools to achieve it on their own.
   • This imbalance can make environments like classrooms, playdates, or public spaces unbearable.

The Hand Model of the Brain (Adapted from Dr. Dan Siegel)

One way to understand this process is through the Hand Model of the Brain, a simple and visual way to explain what happens when we’re dysregulated:

1. Your Hand as the Brain
2. Imagine your hand is your brain. If you fold your thumb into the palm of your hand and wrap your fingers over it, this represents how your brain looks when it’s calm and regulated.
   • Your fingers represent the prefrontal cortex (the thinking brain), which is responsible for focus, decision-making, and self-control.
   • Your thumb, tucked underneath, represents the limbic system (the emotional brain), where feelings and memories are processed. The limbic system contains the amygdala, which processes fear, anger, and anxiety and triggers fight-or-flight (sometimes called the amygdala hijack).
   • Your palm and wrist represent the brainstem (the reptilian brain), which controls basic functions like breathing, blood pressure, and heart rate.
3. Flipping Your Lid
4. When a child becomes dysregulated, it’s like they’ve “flipped their lid.” The fingers (prefrontal cortex) lift up, exposing the emotional and survival parts of the brain underneath. In this state:
   • The prefrontal cortex is no longer fully engaged, so the child can’t think clearly or make rational decisions.
   • The limbic system and brainstem take over, driving reactive behavior like crying, yelling, aggression, running away, or shutting down.
5. Returning to Baseline
6. To “put the lid back on,” the child needs to feel safe and regulated again. Once their nervous system calms down, the prefrontal cortex re-engages, allowing them to think, focus, and learn.

Why Returning to Baseline is Necessary for Learning and Skill-Building

When a child is dysregulated—whether emotionally, sensorily, or behaviorally—their brain is essentially “stuck” in survival mode; this happens because their nervous system is engaged in protecting them from what feels like a threat, even if it’s just an overwhelming noise, a strong emotion, or frustration over a difficult task.

During this state, the brain shifts resources away from the areas responsible for thinking, reasoning, and learning and focuses instead on keeping the child safe.

This is where the “thinking” part of the brain—called the prefrontal cortex—goes offline.

The prefrontal cortex is responsible for problem-solving, planning, and controlling impulses, but when a child is dysregulated, these functions take a backseat to the brain’s survival instincts.

Without access to this part of the brain, children struggle to focus, remember information, or practice new skills effectively. In other words, learning and growth can’t happen until a child is back at baseline.

Impacts of Dysregulation on Learning and Relationships

 Learning

• Dysregulation prevents the brain from accessing higher-order thinking skills, making it nearly impossible for a child to focus or absorb information.
• A child in a dysregulated state is more likely to feel frustrated or anxious, which can lead to avoidance of academic tasks.
• Repeated experiences of dysregulation can make learning feel like a source of stress rather than growth.

 Skill-Building

• Whether learning to tie their shoes, complete a math problem, or develop coping strategies, dysregulation disrupts a child’s ability to practice and master new skills.
• A dysregulated child may appear inconsistent—performing a skill well one day and struggling the next—not because they’re unwilling, but because their brain and body are not in a state to engage.

Relationships

• Dysregulation can strain relationships with peers, parents, and teachers. Outbursts, shutdowns, or reactive behaviors may lead to misunderstandings or feelings of frustration for others.
• A child who struggles to regulate emotions or sensory input may have difficulty participating in group activities or navigating conflicts, making social connections harder to maintain.
• Adults may misinterpret a child’s dysregulated behaviors as defiance or laziness, further damaging the relationship and the child’s self-esteem.

Key Takeaways

Baseline is when all areas of regulation are in balance—emotional, sensory, behavioral, and cognitive—and at baseline, children can access the full power of their brain, especially the prefrontal cortex.

This state is essential for:

• Focus: Staying on task and resisting distractions.
• Memory: Retaining new information and recalling what they’ve learned.
• Learning: Absorbing new skills, concepts, and strategies.
• Skill-Building: Practicing and mastering abilities, from academic tasks to social interactions.

Without achieving baseline first, any effort to teach, discipline, or guide a child will be unsuccessful.

Understanding and prioritizing this state paves the way for meaningful learning and growth.

The Unique Challenges of Neurodivergent Kids

Neurodivergent children—such as autistic children, children with ADHD, or those with sensory processing challenges—often face unique challenges with regulation, not because there is something wrong with them but because the world around them is not designed to meet their needs.

Their brains and bodies are wired in ways that make them highly sensitive to sensory input, emotions, and environmental factors, which can be incredible strengths in the right context.

However, when environments, routines, or expectations aren’t built with their needs in mind, it can create a constant struggle with dysregulation.

Near-Constant Dysregulation

Many neurodivergent children live in a state of near-constant dysregulation.  

Their heightened sensitivity to sensory input, unique ways of processing emotions, or differences in executive functioning means their nervous systems can become overwhelmed by experiences that others may navigate with ease.

Everyday occurrences like noisy classrooms, unexpected changes in routine, or even subtle discomforts such as hunger can trigger this state of imbalance.

Unlike neurotypical children, who might experience brief moments of dysregulation and recover quickly, neurodivergent children may find it much harder to return to a calm, balanced state.

This prolonged dysregulation leaves them feeling constantly overwhelmed and exhausted, making it challenging for them to focus, learn, or engage meaningfully with their surroundings.

The Cyclical Nature of Dysregulation

Dysregulation often creates a negative feedback loop, where one challenge leads to another, compounding the difficulties over time. For example:

1. A child becomes dysregulated due to sensory overload in a busy classroom.
2. Their emotional regulation breaks down, leading to frustration or a meltdown.
3. This triggers behavioral dysregulation, such as shutting down, running away, or acting out.
4. As a result, their ability to participate in the lesson or socialize with peers is affected.
5. These experiences may lead to feelings of shame, anxiety, or isolation, further impacting their ability to regulate in the future.

This cycle can repeat itself daily, making it harder for the child to recover or feel safe and balanced. Over time, the stress of constant dysregulation can also affect their self-esteem and willingness to try new things.

Why Neurodivergent Children Perform Skills Inconsistently

One of the most misunderstood aspects of neurodivergence is why children can sometimes perform a skill flawlessly and, at other times, seem to forget it entirely.

This inconsistency is not due to laziness, defiance, or a lack of effort; instead, it is tied to the child’s internal state of regulation.

When a child is regulated, they can readily access the “thinking” part of their brain—the prefrontal cortex. In this calm state, they can focus, follow directions, and successfully apply the skills they’ve learned.

However, when a child is dysregulated, their brain shifts into survival mode and their prefrontal cortex effectively goes offline, making it difficult or impossible to think critically, reason through a problem, or recall learned information. Skills that felt easy in a calm moment suddenly become inaccessible.

For example:

• Children who know how to tie their shoes may struggle to do so if they are overwhelmed by bright lights, loud noises, or a sudden change in routine.
• A child who can calmly complete a math problem on a good day may melt down or freeze when dysregulated, even if they fully understand the material.
• An autistic child with average to above-average verbal communication skills may become non-verbal in high-stress situations.

This inconsistency is not a reflection of their effort, intelligence, or ability. It’s a reflection of their internal state and whether their brain and body feel safe and supported in that moment.

Key Takeaways

• Dysregulation happens when a child’s nervous system becomes overwhelmed, causing them to enter fight, flight, or freeze mode.
• Emotional and sensory dysregulation disrupts multiple areas of functioning, including cognitive, behavioral, and social-emotional skills.
• The Hand Model of the Brain explains how the “thinking brain” (prefrontal cortex) disconnects during dysregulation, making problem-solving and learning nearly impossible.
• Recognizing signs of dysregulation early helps caregivers respond proactively to support a child’s return to baseline.
• Neurodivergent children face unique challenges, as their heightened sensitivity to sensory input and emotions often leads to more frequent and prolonged dysregulation. These struggles are not due to a lack of ability but reflect a mismatch between their needs and the environment.

Dysregulation is a common yet often misunderstood challenge that impacts many aspects of a child’s life, from learning and relationships to emotional well-being.

 By recognizing its signs and understanding the underlying factors—whether emotional, sensory, cognitive, or behavioral—we can begin to provide the right support to help children find balance.

In the next article of the “Getting Back to Baseline” series, we’ll learn the importance of baseline before skill building. Ready to learn more? Click here to move on to part three!

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