Co-Regulation and Behavior Supports for Getting Back to Baseline

Welcome to part five of our seven-part series, “Getting Back to Baseline.” In this article, we explore co-regulation and behavior supports as essential tools for helping children get back to baseline.

Whether it’s navigating big emotions, managing challenging behaviors, or creating predictable routines, these strategies help caregivers guide children toward self-regulation.

Co-regulation provides the immediate support children need during moments of dysregulation, while behavioral supports like consistent routines and gradual cognitive re-engagement help build long-term skills.

By creating a calm and structured environment, parents, educators, and therapists can support children in their journey to baseline and beyond.

Behavioral Supports for Getting Back to Baseline

Behavior is often the most visible sign that a child is dysregulated.

Supporting behavioral regulation requires a calm, intentional approach from caregivers that emphasizes co-regulation and predictability.

By modeling calm responses, creating consistent routines, and providing guidance, adults can help children navigate overwhelming moments and return to baseline.

Behavioral supports combine the immediate guidance of co-regulation with the long-term benefits of predictable routines.

By remaining calm, validating emotions, and providing stability through routines and transitions, you can create an environment where children feel safe and supported.

 Over time, these practices help children develop the skills and confidence needed to manage their behaviors independently, setting them up for success in both regulated and challenging moments.

Co-Regulation vs. Self-Regulation

Co-Regulation is when an adult or caregiver helps a child calm down and regulate their emotions. For younger children or children who are in a heightened state of dysregulation, co-regulation is essential, as they may not yet have the tools or capacity to self-soothe.

This might look like:

• Sitting with the child and modeling slow, deep breaths.
• Offering a soothing voice and validating their feelings (“I see you’re feeling upset, and I’m here to help you feel better.”).
• Providing physical comfort, like a gentle hug or holding their hand.

Self-regulation is the ability of the child to independently recognize their emotional state and use calming strategies to bring themselves back to baseline.

Developing this skill takes time and practice, often with consistent co-regulation support from caregivers.

For example:

• A child might use a grounding technique or breathing exercise they’ve been taught when they start to feel overwhelmed.
• They might seek out a sensory tool, like a stress ball or weighted blanket, without needing adult guidance.

Co-regulation is the stepping stone to self-regulation. When adults provide a calm, supportive presence during emotional moments, they model the skills children need to eventually manage their emotions independently.

The Importance of Parental Regulation when Co-Regulating

Co-regulation is a powerful tool, but it works best when parents are also regulated themselves. Think of the instructions given on an airplane: “Put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others.” This analogy highlights the importance of prioritizing your own well-being.

If you are dysregulated—overwhelmed, overstimulated, or emotionally drained—it becomes much harder to help your child achieve their baseline.

Many parents of high-needs children live in a near-constant state of survival mode. They may face overstimulation from chaotic home environments, constantly exceed their mental load worrying about their child’s challenges, and neglect their own basic needs like rest, nutrition, and emotional care. This cycle can leave parents feeling depleted and reactive rather than calm and intentional.

To co-regulate effectively with your child, it’s vital to focus on your own self-awareness and regulation first. This means recognizing when you’re feeling overwhelmed and taking proactive steps to care for yourself. For instance:

• Practice Self-Regulation in Real Time: Use calming techniques like deep breathing, grounding exercises, or short pauses to center yourself before responding to your child.
• Create Your Own Baseline Rituals: Incorporate regular self-care into your daily routine, such as a morning walk, journaling, or even 10 minutes of quiet mindfulness.
• Set Boundaries to Prevent Overload: Say “no” to unnecessary obligations and make time for activities that recharge you physically and emotionally.
• Normalize Seeking Support: Talking to a partner, therapist, support group, or the ClimbRx community about the challenges you face can reduce your mental load and provide helpful strategies.

When you’re regulated, you model the calm, steady presence your child needs to feel safe. Co-regulation isn’t just about guiding your child back to baseline—it’s about regulating together.

Your ability to remain grounded not only helps your child learn to manage their emotions but also fosters a sense of connection and trust.

Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish; it’s a critical part of giving your child the support they need. When you regulate first, you’re better equipped to help your child navigate their emotional world with patience, empathy, and understanding.

Co-Regulation Strategies

The following co-regulation strategies can help you support your child in getting back to baseline.

Model Calm Behavior

Children often mirror the emotional states of the adults around them. If a caregiver remains calm, speaks in a steady tone, and moves gently, it can help the child feel more secure and reduce their own heightened state.

• Use soothing language like, “I’m here to help,” or “Let’s work through this together.”
• Avoid raising your voice, making sudden movements, using cold body language and facial expressions, or reacting with frustration, even if the child’s behavior is challenging.
• If you are feeling overwhelmed, hold space and practice calming techniques like deep breathing, or take a break and have another adult help the child co-regulate when possible. By doing so, you’re modeling healthy, safe behavioral and emotional regulation. 

Validate Emotions Using Emotion Coaching

Emotion coaching is the process of guiding your child through intense emotions by validating, relating, naming the emotion, and holding boundaries.

It’s a four-step communication process that helps children develop emotional identification, self-awareness, coping skills, and emotional regulation. 

Acknowledging your child’s feelings helps them feel understood and supported.

1. Step 1: Attend to the emotion: Acknowledge that something is wrong. For example, you might say, “I can tell something’s up right now.”
2. Step 2: Name the emotion: Put the emotion you believe your child’s experiencing into words. You might say, “You look really mad,” or “You seem disappointed.”
3. Step 3: Validate the emotion: All emotions are valid, even when the accompanying behavior is inappropriate. Feeling validated is essential. Tell your child, “It makes sense that you feel [emotion] because [reason one], [reason two], and [reason 3].” Always avoid using the word but when validating.
4. Step 4: Meet the need of the emotion: Help your child get through the emotion until it passes. Sadness needs comfort, fear needs safety, and anger needs patience and boundaries.

Provide Physical or Emotional Comfort

Depending on your child’s preferences and needs, offer physical support like a hug, holding their hand, or sitting nearby. For children who don’t seek physical contact, simply staying present and calm can be reassuring.

If your child does ask to be left alone when they’re upset, and there is no safety risk, you can respect that boundary but remain close by and check in periodically.

Guide Your Child Through Regulation

If your child is having a meltdown, they most likely won’t be open to practicing calming techniques with you because their brain is in survival mode.

However, at early signs of dysregulation, or as they are calming down, you may be able to actively help them use calming techniques, such as deep breathing, grounding exercises, or sensory tools.

For example:

• “Let’s take three deep breaths together—watch me as I breathe in and out.”
• “Would you like to use your fidget toy or sit under your weighted blanket for a bit?”

Why Co-Regulation Matters

Co-regulation is not just about calming your child in the moment; it’s about teaching them the skills they need to self-regulate over time.

By consistently modeling and guiding regulation strategies, children gradually learn to manage their own behaviors more effectively. You can find some simple to follow do’s and don’t of co-regulation here.

Predictable Routines and Transitions

Unpredictability can be a major source of dysregulation for children.

Routines, structure, and clear transitions provide a sense of stability, helping children feel more secure and reducing the likelihood of behavioral dysregulation.

Establishing Predictable Routines

Consistent Daily Schedules

Having a consistent structure to the day helps children know what to expect, reducing anxiety and confusion. For example:

• Morning routines that include clear steps like getting dressed, brushing teeth, and eating breakfast in the same order.
• Consistent after-school routines, such as snack time, homework, and playtime.

Visual Schedules

Most children benefit from the use of visual supports. They turn routines and expectations into something tangible children can look at. Use charts or pictures to outline the day’s activities.

 For example:

• A picture of a toothbrush for morning hygiene, a book for reading time, and a bed for bedtime.
• For older children, written checklists with simple steps can be helpful.

Flexibility Within Routine

While structure is important, it’s also helpful to allow for some flexibility to accommodate unexpected events. Prepare the child by talking about any changes in advance when possible.

Supporting Transitions

Transitions between activities or environments can be a common trigger for behavioral dysregulation. Preparing your child for these changes can significantly reduce stress.

• Give Advance Notice: Warn the child before a transition occurs. For example:
  • “In five minutes, we’ll clean up and get ready for lunch.”
  • Use a timer or countdown as a visual and auditory reminder.
• Use Transitional Cues:
  • Create consistent cues for transitions, such as a specific song for clean-up time or a special phrase like “Time to switch gears.”
  • For sensory-seeking children, transitional activities like jumping, stretching, or deep breaths can help smooth the shift.
• Offer Choices When Possible: Giving the child a sense of control during transitions can ease resistance. For example:
  • “Do you want to pick up the blocks first or the cars?”
  • “Would you like to wear your green shoes or your red shoes before we leave?”

Why Predictability Matters

Predictable routines and transitions reduce the cognitive and emotional load on children, allowing them to focus on what’s happening in the present instead of worrying about what’s coming next.

When children know what to expect, they’re less likely to feel overwhelmed and more likely to regulate their behaviors effectively.

Cognitive Re-Engagement

Once your child achieves some level of emotional and sensory regulation, their brain is ready to begin re-engaging in cognitive tasks.

However, returning to full focus and mental flexibility isn’t an instant process—it requires a gradual, intentional approach.

Typically, the prefrontal cortex (thinking brain) starts regaining its functionality within a few minutes to hours after the stressor has been removed.

However, it may take longer for some children, especially neurodivergent children who experience chronic dysregulation with inadequate recovery.

Start cognitive re-engagement with simple activities and use scaffolding techniques to support your child’s focus while they fully recover.

This helps children re-enter a learning or problem-solving state in a way that feels manageable and empowering.

Why Gradual Reintroduction Matters

After a period of dysregulation, your child’s prefrontal cortex—the “thinking” part of the brain—needs time to fully come back online.

 Jumping directly into complex or demanding tasks can overwhelm your child and risk triggering dysregulation again. Repeated exposure to stress without adequate recovery can lead to longer-term impairments in the functioning of the prefrontal cortex.

A gradual approach allows your child to rebuild their cognitive stamina step by step.

Steps to Gradually Reintroduce Thinking Tasks

• Start with Low-Demand, Engaging Activities
  Begin with tasks that are simple, enjoyable, and don’t require significant mental effort. These activities serve as a bridge between regulation and full cognitive engagement. For example:
  • Sorting objects by color, size, or category.
  • Completing a favorite puzzle or playing with building blocks.
  • Engaging in an art activity, like coloring or painting, promotes focus without high cognitive demand.

These tasks help your child practice attention and decision-making again without feeling pressured or overwhelmed.

• Provide Clear, Simple Instructions
  Keep directions brief and easy to follow. For instance:
  • Instead of saying, “Clean up your toys,” try, “Let’s pick up all the blocks first and put them in the bin.”
  • For older children, break tasks into one or two steps at a time to avoid cognitive overload.
    
• Increase Complexity Gradually
  As your child becomes more engaged and focused, introduce slightly more challenging tasks. For example:
  • Move from sorting objects to organizing items by multiple criteria (e.g., by color and size).
  • Shift from freeform coloring to guided activities, like following a dot-to-dot puzzle or tracing a pattern.

Using Scaffolding Techniques

Scaffolding is the process of providing temporary support to help your child complete a task until they can do it independently.

When re-engaging their cognitive skills, scaffolding can make sure that tasks remain manageable and rewarding without re-triggering dysregulation.

• Break Tasks into Smaller Steps:
  Divide larger or more complex activities into small, sequential steps. For example:
  • If the goal is to have your child clean their bedroom, start by helping them put their laundry away. Then, pick up their blocks together and build from there, one step at a time.
    
• Offer Visual or Physical Supports:
  Use tools like checklists, visual schedules, or prompts to guide the child through the task. For example:
  • A visual chart showing the steps for tying shoes.
  • A checklist for completing homework that breaks it into bite-sized portions.
    
• Model the Task First:
  Show your child how to approach the activity before asking them to try it independently. For example:
  • If working on a puzzle, place a few pieces yourself while explaining your thought process (“I see this piece has a flat edge, so it goes on the border.”).
    
• Provide Verbal Encouragement and Feedback:
  Reinforce their efforts with positive, specific feedback to keep them motivated. For example:
  • “You did a great job sorting all the blocks by color! Let’s see if we can do it with these cars next.”
    
• Gradually Reduce Support:
  As your child becomes more confident, capable, and regulated, step back and let them take the lead. Be available to assist if needed, but encourage independence.

Cognitive Re-Engagement Activities

• Memory Games: Start with simple card-matching games or verbal memory activities like recalling a list of items.
• Math or Number Tasks: Begin with counting or basic addition using tangible items like beads or blocks.
• Storytelling or Role Play: Encourage creativity with prompts like, “What do you think happens next in this story?” or “Can you pretend to be a chef and tell me what you’re making?”
• Problem-Solving Games: Activities like mazes, connect-the-dots, or simple board games can help reintroduce logical thinking in a fun, low-pressure way.

Rebuilding Focus and Attention

Focus and attention take time to rebuild, especially after dysregulation.

Gradual progression helps children strengthen these skills without frustration. If a child struggles to maintain attention, adjust the activity to be shorter or simpler and offer breaks between tasks.

For example:

• Start with a task that takes 1–2 minutes and gradually extend the duration as their stamina improves.
• Incorporate movement breaks or sensory activities between cognitive tasks to reset their focus.

Adjusting the Environment

The environment significantly influences how well your child can regulate emotions, behaviors, and sensory needs.

Overstimulating or chaotic surroundings can overwhelm their nervous system, making it difficult for them to feel calm and balanced.

Adjusting the environment to minimize sensory triggers and provide safe spaces for self-regulation can help your child return to baseline and feel supported.

Reducing Sensory Overload

Sensory overload happens when your child is overwhelmed by the amount or intensity of sensory input, such as bright lights, loud noises, or cluttered spaces.

Making intentional changes can create a calmer, more comfortable environment that doesn’t overstimulate your child.

• Lighting:
  • Dim Bright Lights: Harsh fluorescent lighting can be overstimulating. Consider using softer, warmer light bulbs, dimmers, or natural light whenever possible.
  • Adjustable Lighting Options: Allow your child to control the lighting in their space, such as a desk lamp or small nightlight, so they can choose what feels best for them.
• Noise Levels:
  • Reduce Background Noise: Turn off unnecessary sounds from televisions, radios, or other devices to reduce auditory overload.
  • White Noise Machines: These can help mask distracting sounds, creating a neutral and calming auditory environment for your child.
  • Designate Quiet Zones: Identify specific areas in your home where noise is intentionally minimized, offering your child a peaceful retreat when needed.
• Visual Clutter:
  • Simplify Spaces: Cluttered environments can make it harder for your child to focus or feel at ease. Keep spaces organized and visually calming by storing toys, books, and other items in bins or shelves.
  • Neutral Colors: Opt for neutral or muted tones for walls and decorations to create a soothing visual atmosphere that doesn’t overwhelm your child.
• Scent Control:
  • Minimize Strong Smells: Some children are highly sensitive to strong scents like cleaning products or perfumes. Use unscented or mild products to avoid overwhelming their senses.
  • Introduce Calming Scents: If your child enjoys aromatherapy, scents like lavender or chamomile can promote relaxation and create a comforting environment.

Providing Safe, Calming Spaces

Designing a dedicated calming space for your child can give them a sense of security and control. This space should feel quiet, safe, and personalized to their needs.

Sensory Corners or Calming Areas

A sensory corner or a calming corner is a designated area in your home where your child can relax and regulate. Include items that help them feel calm and grounded, such as:

• Weighted blankets or lap pads for deep-pressure input.
• Noise-canceling headphones or earplugs to block out overwhelming sounds.
• Fidget toys, stress balls, or chewable jewelry for tactile stimulation.
• Comfortable seating, like a beanbag, rocking chair, or cozy blanket fort.
• Visual calming aids like glitter jars, liquid motion timers, or soft lighting (e.g., fairy lights).

Customizing the Space

Involve your child in setting up their calming space so it feels personal and inviting. Encourage them to add their favorite items, such as a stuffed animal, favorite book, or comforting object.

Quiet Rooms

If possible, designate an entire room or section of your home as a quiet space for your child to retreat to when they feel overwhelmed.

This can serve as their sanctuary for self-regulation, complete with sensory tools and calming activities.

How Adjusting the Environment Helps

Creating a supportive environment tailored to your child’s sensory and emotional needs reduces the risk of dysregulation and helps them feel safe and secure.

By addressing sensory triggers and providing a calming space, you can help your child to self-regulate and return to baseline more effectively.

These adjustments not only help in the moment but also help reduce incidences of dysregulation in the long term.

Key Takeaways

• Co-regulation is crucial for helping children navigate big emotions, especially during moments of intense dysregulation.
• Caregivers can model calm behavior, validate emotions, and use strategies like deep breathing and physical comfort to co-regulate effectively.
• Predictable routines and clear transitions reduce uncertainty, creating a sense of stability that minimizes behavioral challenges.
• Gradual cognitive re-engagement helps children rebuild focus and mental flexibility after dysregulation without overwhelming them.
• Adjusting the environment by reducing sensory overload and creating calming spaces supports children’s regulation and recovery.
• These approaches not only help in the moment but also equip children with the skills and confidence for long-term self-regulation.

Co-regulation and behavior supports are powerful tools for helping get kids back to baseline so they can learn and practice new skills.

By providing a calm presence, predictable routines, and a supportive environment, caregivers can guide children through challenging moments while teaching them essential self-regulation skills.

These strategies create a foundation of stability, enabling children to feel safe, understood, and capable of managing their emotions and behaviors. Over time, this consistent approach builds resilience and independence, setting children up for success in both everyday challenges and lifelong growth.

Ready to continue the journey? Join us in part six, where we’ll dive into “Building a Personalized Back to Baseline Toolkit“

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